Admit it. Aside from the nudies you send and receive, the things you read and words you hear by way of your smartphone, the object itself is - more often than not - kind of sexy.

It’s hard, it’s shiny. It’s poised.

And if there’s anywhere to hold a sexy smartphone launch party, it’s in Berlin, right? Cold, austere, upright. I glance at the Space Gray Huawei Mate 8 in my hand, and it all makes perfect sense. The event even comes with its very own top supermodel (Karl Lagerfeld’s muse and rumoured 2015 Katy Perry squeeze, Baptiste Giabiconi), who expresses his own need for a phone with 48 hours of battery. Those Instagram posts aren’t gonna take themselves, after all (he is the most successful model on social media, ever.)

But for real: if you ask around the techphiles (it’s not a word, but I fear technophile means something else slightly, especially in Berlin), it turns out the most desirable smartphone is the latest Chinese Huawei handset. In light of recent unveiled info on recent phone tapping intentions from the FBI, people began to hold their favoured smartphones at arms’ length, before, in a sigh of relief perhaps, holding them a little closer again in light of even more recent info.

You know what might be easier? Averting the whole Apple bandwagon altogether.

It’s been a while since a new model has actually made me put the old one down. Carrying a sizeable 32GB or 64GB Mate 8 is quite the must-have for whatever pace life you have in whatever city you live in. Notably, it’s great if you’re on-the-go, have three jobs and often have to be in two places at the same time (hand raised).

Before we get onto the infinitely dull topic of ‘who’s busier’, let’s talk how busy the world is and how twenty-year-old Huawei’s technology is decent enough to make its speedy way onto shelves in over 170 countries already, with R&D centres across Asia, the US and Europe. Fittingly, the new Mate 8 is excellent for the globetrotter with more bands than any other dual-SIM phone.

Onto aesthetics. Coming in aforementioned Space Gray, Champagne Gold, Moonlight Silver and Mocha Brown you’re already swiftly avoiding the weird pastel/neon case choices rival brands offered some seasons back. And it’s big, but not too big. It’s dainty yet noble. To get specific… a 6-inch IPS-NEO display which translates to an 83 per cent screen-to-body ratio. Hold up. This dirty talk is about to get dirtier.

I like to know who’s touching me, too. The circular fingerprint sensor boasts a depth of 0.45 mm, bettering the effective identification area by 10 per cent, whilst the fingerprint recognition algorithms have three levels of biometric info, increasing the unlock speed by up to 100 per cent (oh!) and halving recognition failures totally. Man that handling.

Before I played with the Mate8, I thought I was looking my best, meaning in personal photographs. In an age where I bluntly refuse to own a selfie stick and, despite the urgent advice coming from some sort of Kardashian direction, a simple enhance and/or odd filter does the trick for images of both my face, boobs, dogs or handsome boys I like to photograph. The user experience this time round is unimaginably better operating on the EMUI 4.0 OS that gives you the option of split screening between multiple apps AT THE SAME TIME. If my concentration wasn’t screwed before, well now, uh. But as exhibited at the Berlin event; this can be incredibly useful and time-saving, actually – the same as using different desktop screens when comparing or designing or cross referencing things.

And finally, who’s not into chips (UK or US version)? This is the first smartphone to run on Huawei’s new Kirin 950 chipset and use TSMC 16nm FinFET plus chip technology. For those not into chips and more into loudspeaker, the model makes conferencing so much better. You know when everyone speaks at once, or voices become muddled and you can’t tell who is the big boss you’re mainly supposed to be listening to? Problem solved; the Mate8 has ridiculously streamlined voice recognition with a 120 degree of audio pickup. No awkward or inappropriate interruptions ever again (note: interrupting is never cool.)

It’s OK. I’ve finished. You can go back to sexting now.

Leave a Reply