Lip Service? At least the title gets it right…

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This week was an important one for lesbians the kingdom over. Finally, a British televisual representation of their very own, which flaunts them in all their beer-glugging, frock-snatching, straight girl fucking glory. BBC3’sLip Service was first-class entertainment. If you were looking to play a game of cunt-lover cliche bingo, that is. And it wasted no time in calling out the winning numbers.

Firstly, Frankie (cute boys’ name on an even cuter androgyna, natch), the show’s protagonist, and male-gaze appropriating photographer, is seen snapping a bi-curious babe model, who she proceeds to seduce quicker than you can say ‘Your Aunt has just snuffed it so you should probably leave your licentious New York life – but only after you’ve fiddled with heterosexism and sunk a beer’. Next, the scene switches to Glasgow, where her somewhat more anal (aherm) ex, Cat, is beavering away (aherm, aherm) online one morning when a message pops up on Gaydar Girls (ah, the light product placement has brought into our lives!) and – ooh, if it isn’t the hot butch cop asking her out for a drink – “all your fantasies rolled into one!” as her helpful-hysterical housemate, Tess, points out, in betwixt shredding a picture of her very own duplicitious ex and tossing it into Cat’s wash basket – “she could do with a wash, filthy trollop.” She’s so dirty, it would seem, that when Tess breaks into her house to reclaim a silk scarlet dress, Chloe shimmies right out of it and passes it over to Tess, who is then also dirty enough to put said garment straight on her own lissome back and frazzle off to a moisturiser audition (for “girly straight women who actually use facecream”, naturally.)

I could go on. But besides just not being possessed of such a scribal sadistic streak, I might also then be forced to become a diesel dyke out of protest, and if only to comfort myself that there must be one stereotype that this abysmal dykonoclastic mock-up has refrained from invoking. For the first episode, at least.

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