Please don’t send us pictures of your penis

The story of one woman's mission to let men know the etiquette of distributing photo-genital material.

To send or not to send a dick pic? When this particular question is directed at viral content producer Lucy Baker the answer is an unequivocal “No”. Her song, “Don’t send girls pictures of your penis” has been viewed over 89,000 views on The Tab Durham’s Facebook feed. The adult  subject matter of the song is juxtaposed with Lucy’s sweetly angelic vocal cords to make it ever more side-splitting. The Erotic Review harassed Miss Baker on what (or who?) moved her to pen (th)is catchy tune.

Lucy Baker: “Looks like we’ll need a magnifying glass for this one.”

ER: Why use a song to get your message across?

Baker: I really like writing songs and thought that this would make quite a fun one to write about because I think it’s consensus amongst girls that we’re not actually that keen on picture of just a guy’s dick.

ER: Is there a further back story?

Baker: There is someone who I can’t mention, who once upon a time sent dick pics to me and then it turned out he sent them to a lot of my friends! Eventually we all admitted to each other that this was happening. We were like, what is he doing? No one had the reaction of being jealous or saying that they wished they’d received a picture of his knob. It was hilarious. I even told my parents who couldn’t work out why he was doing it. My mother got me to tell my grandmother. I was hesitant about telling her for fear of shocking her. Turns out I was the one who was shocked that she was totally cool with it!

ER: How prevalent is “dick pic-ing”?

Baker: I don’t know any guy who sends dick pics to the extent that this guy did.

ER: This is a stand against unsolicited dick pics rather than dick pics in general, yes?

Baker: If you have a boyfriend and they take a picture of themselves naked, that’s one thing. Torso and everything else, if you know them, great. But if it’s just like *BAM*! in your face, it’s not ok. And if you’re trying to get with someone and they send a dick pic, it rather removes the point of the exercise. Mystery removed, chase over. Of course it’s different if you’re actually going out with someone and you’ve seen it before. But I don’t think a boy would send it just like that. A boyfriend would only send it as a joke, by SnapChat with funny drawings all over it. But I don’t think they’d be all, “yeah, here’s my knob!” unless they had a bit of a screw loose.

ER: Do you think your song will change the behaviour of enthusiastic senders of dick pics?

Baker: Maybe. Especially for the individual concerned here. They were worried when they heard I was writing a song about it. They messaged me on SnapChat telling me not to post the song. What was so funny was that above that message was a picture of their dick that for some reason SnapChat hadn’t automatically deleted! So above the message telling me not to post a song about him sending dick pics was a picture of his knob! The irony. I think he will take it on board. I mean, someone has written a song about his behaviour. Someone tagged him in the video on Facebook but the comment was deleted five minutes later.

ER: So if boys aren’t allowed to send you a dick pic, how on earth are they going to woo you?!?

Baker: I’m never averse to a phone call. I know it sounds old fashioned, but hardly any boys have the balls to ring you up and ask what you’re up to and if you want to do something fun. Or even just pretend that you want to take you on a date. Just try and pretend you want to do something else before making sexual advances.

ER: Or sending a dick pic.

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