The Road to Completion

"It's 'Grand Designs', Jim, but not as you know them."

When researching the stress of buying a house, online mortgage broker Habito found “1 in 10 couples say that getting a mortgage made their sex lives go limp.” Thus, they came up with the idea of creating an erotic novel to reassure prospective property purchasers that conveyancing can be more of a come-to-bed than it might be assumed.

In collaboration with the advertising agency, Uncommon, Habito has produced an erotic novel The Road to Completion written by Rocky Flintstone (author of Belinda Blinked, the erotic novel series discussed in the hugely popular podcast My Dad Wrote A Porno) with illustrations by Sebastian Schwamm. Although it acts as a promotional product, all proceeds from sales of the book go to The Terrence Higgins Trust, the largest voluntary sector provider of HIV and sexual health services in the UK.

We follow the story of Tom and Sylvia as they secure a mortgage to move to “Girthlington-on-Sea”. Being the author Erotic Review previously called “the Le Creuset of erotica”, Flintstone’s crafting of literature is as high-quality and desirable as ever.

Flinstone’s talent for attempting to make the mundane erotic comes into its own as Tom and Sylvia glide through each tedious step in buying a house. From qualifying for a loan from “FLAPPS Investments PLC” to getting a survey done on their future home, every moment is enriched with innuendo and outright sexual activities, “Shut up and ruin my structure integrity, you girthy cowboy builder,” Sylvia groaned, grinding her downstairs combi-boiler faster and faster.”

Flintstone cobbles together domestic-related words with the erotic in a way that comes close to absurdity: “With a cry, Tom exploded like a fork in a microwave”. This, along with a host of characters with tongue-in-cheek names like, “Bruce Clapworthy” and “Georgina Vulvana” and Flintstone’s infamous vagueness, “Sylvia worked as a Private Detective, specialising in murder”, makes it much more of a hilarious read than an arousing one. Nonetheless, Schwamm’s bold, bright illustrations have a joyful fluidity that both accompanies the narrative perfectly and adds sensuality to the book.

Whilst it might not be the most sexually stimulating erotica, The Road to Completion is still an uplifting and creative piece worth taking a look at, especially to support The Terrence Higgins Trust.


The Road to Completion, in collaboration with Uncommon, Sebastian Schwamm and Rocky Flintstone. Available to read for free on Habito’s website or for 99p on Amazon Kindle.