Tuesday 27th April


Vitamin B a wonderful idea!!
Found a health shop run by a boy with a chest so lickable you would swear he was made by Ben and Jerry! And a voice which simultaneously translates everything he says into “I want to live between your thighs and come so deep inside you you’ll think its heartburn”.
I believe what he actually said was “Can I help you ?” and sensing – thank God for the years at Cheltenham Ladies College – that “Let me wrap my legs around your neck and stay there till Thursday” was probably inappropriate at this point in our relationship, I said that I needed something for stress.
Inexplicably ignoring the opportunity to suggest a whole-body massage – working from the inside – he suggested St John’s Wort – which I think I remember catching from an opportunistic baggage handler in Malta, and so declined – and Dong Quai – which sounded altogether more fun. I have to take it orally, three times daily. So no change there.
Bollycount 6. Well you have to have something to help the Dong Quai go down.

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